just now, i heard one of the most painful things in my life. I wrote an entry about the screwed girls in my life and shaz told Naad about it. thats not what that hurts. But what hurts was what naad said.

Somehow she wants to hurt me so that she'll be the most screwed girl in my life that i've ever known. Am i that unworthy? i seem to be the scum of the universe to her that she can just hurt me at will for fun!

fancy hearing such a thing on such a beautiful day.
why do ppl treat me this way?
my smile is broken.

i am superman ;
1/14/2006 05:13:00 PM

i am superman ;
1/14/2006 12:27:00 AM

i am superman ;
1/14/2006 12:01:00 AM

i am superman ;
1/13/2006 02:05:00 AM

i am superman ;
1/13/2006 12:14:00 AM

i am superman ;
1/13/2006 12:05:00 AM

I HAD A DREAM! this time..it's about Nora.... OH WHYYYY???!!!

i am superman ;
1/12/2006 05:30:00 PM

To someone dear to me...

i am superman ;
1/12/2006 01:09:00 AM

I am sad to know that i am living in a world full of crap. Where ppl neither uphold their promises nor appreciate them. The simplest pleasures of life which was once treasured so much, now... as unappreciated as your own shadow. i now live in a place where praises are no longer heard and criticism is the way of life. And a place where ppl who sing praises to others sincerely, ppl who uphold their promises...as outcasts.

i feel like an outcast for my values of life are quite different to that of many around me. Should i break my promises and not vow anymore to fit in? Cos i don't feel that my promises are appreciated at all... =(

i don't know what the world wants from me!

I break my promises!! YOU HATE ME! I SUFFER!!
I DON'T Break my promises STILL!! I SUFFER!!
dammit!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?

I

i am superman ;
1/10/2006 11:10:00 PM

A Happy Hari raya Haji everyone!!!

Just now, i went to the pasir ris interchange to see Janar off to NS. I came there early ( something new about me ) and was waiting for Janar. Besides the green men...amongst them are couples saying their farewells to their loved one who's about to serve the country. As i stood as quietly as a mouse by a pillar listening to my mp3... i observed this particular couple.

the guy was holding the girl's hands and was saying something to her... prolly things like...

" baby... don't worry about ok.. it's just gonna be 2 weeks!" or something like that i suppose. After a while..the girl looked as if she was about to cry and...she eventually did. The guy took her in his arms and embraced her. That moment was soo precious. 2 ppl..in love with each other... locked in a warm-loving embrace.

Man the girl was really really crying badly. At that point of time i really felt envious about what they have...something which i don't have. makes me come to the next point...

Who would see me off if i were to go for NS? or..who would see me off at the airport if i were to go overseas? (besides my parents and family)

somehow..i don't know why...but i doubt my bestfriends would come.

Girlfriend? HAHAHA! i dont have one yet.(Who would want to love me?) - i hope i do have one..

Even if i have a girlfriend... i doubt she'd stay true to me after the long period of absence. Honestly..i think the percentage of single good girls in this world has declined... either due to the reason that someone lucky has got them OR they became screwed girls.

i know alot of Screwed girls. Seriously..i'd be rich if each of them were marketable... So many screwed girls to sell.

The Most screwed up girl
Shafridah - this one damn screwed.really!Really screwed! *shakes head* die better...

Some of the screwed girls i know. (They are pretty screwed girls but...they're much much better than the one up there, soo i'll keep their identities)

R______ (this one is the 2nd most screwed person i know. This one's delusional.)
S______
S______
S______
N______
S______
H______
N______


Ah damn angry already. I need to relax.

ooo.. Syikynn just messaged me online. *&^%*&^%$^$%%$$!@!!!!!!!

* sigh*

i am superman ;
1/10/2006 10:28:00 PM

i wanted to blog about something but i forgot. Sheeeesh!!

i am superman ;
1/08/2006 09:43:00 PM

2 Words ... WET DREAM.

haaaa..it was AWESOME!!! i can't believe it but really i had a wet dream!!! thats not the unbelievable part...the unbelievable part was that i was having sex with ________ !!

My goodness...it was soo happening..i woke up like a million bucks this morning. Before i forget the details... the dream went like this...

I just finished class and i was walking all alone to tampines mall about to meet my friends ... Since i haven't had lunch... i decided to get some lunch before meeting them. Decided to have lunch at long john silver and when i reached there...to my surprise... Fadhilah, Syuhada and naadira was there... i was expecting shaz(but i wasn't meeting him though) to be there...but he wasnt...

when i saw naadira, i panicked and started to search for a seat at one small corner of the eatery and hoped that neither of them saw me. i waited for them to finish their orders and once they have purchased their food...AND once i think it's safe...then i'll go and order. Honestly...i don't know why i'm afraid of Naadira.... but i am. hmmm come to think of it..it's the same fear that i had last time.. the fear that they would start bitching about what i did and all that.

So the girls, purchased their food and they were to their seat... they about-turned and were heading my direction!! my heart felt like bursting out of my chest! i took a glance to the table beside me and to my horror!! THE TABLE NEXT TO MINE WAS THEIRS!!

i was cornered... i didn't know what to do...i was just sooo bloody scared!

finally i decided to take out my book ( calvin and hobbes ) ,plugged myself to the Mp3 and pretended that i didn't see them there. i kept looking at my book trying to read but i couldn't!they were getting closer! my heart was beating faster and faster with each step they took towards me.

Suddenly!! out of the blue a small hand thumped my the face of my book and i swear that my heart skipped a couple of beats. i looked up slowly only to see syuhada in a pretty pink top with white pants.

Syuhada waved and smiled at me... Naadira gave a small smile and started eating... fadhilah just started eating..and gave a small smile when she had a mouthful of chicken. i looked at them and turned away.. i only smiled at syuhada.

While the other 2 ate...syuhada sat down on the table just beside me and nibbled her fries facing me. Syu chatted with me while the other 2 were chatting away. i asked her wouldn't they mind if she was talking to me instead of them? She just said that she wasn't close to naadira unlike fadh.. She wants to talk to fadh but since she was talking to naad..it was ok..

we chatted quite alot and by this time syu already gave up on her share and gave it to me... YAY! free food! Somehow...syuhada made me feel more comfortable and soon it was as if both of us were going out together cos the other 2 seemed non-existant! They were non-existant..until all 3 of them had to go off to study...

naad wanted to study somewhere where she has never been before and syuhada just suddenly suggested my idea and without my permission...they just set off to my house! i couldn't stop them!! My Mum even let them in as if she expected them to come!! i was helpless!!

So they studied at my entertainment room near the backyard while i was in my room playing game. The next thing i knew it, it was already dark!! and the girls couldn't go home! i didn't know why but! yeah! they stayed overnight at my house! and they slept in master bed room!!!

Suddenly..when i was about to go to sleep.. syuhada messaged me... She asked if i wanted to come in and talk as she couldn't sleep. The rest were already asleep. i hesitated but she wanted me to talk... so yeah i agreed then...

So i went into the room and i saw 2 girls asleep on the floor while one was sitting up on the bed. I couldnt' see anything cept that dark figure sitting up on the bed... I assumed that it was her laah..So i closed the door behind me and sat by the bedside of syuhada... but when i came closer!! IT WAS NOT SYUHADA! IT WAS NAADIRA!!!

i was soo shocked!! i turned away and stood up but she held my hand. She tugged my hand and said softly... " don't go "

Naadira : sit down please?

and i did just that.

Faris : so i guess it was you who messaged me..not syu.. look i'm not comfortable..i think i'll go back to my room and sleep.

Naadira : thats what i wanted to talk to you about..anywya..my batt was flat so i just took syu's phone. Why are you soo afraid of me faris? i dont get it!

Faris : i .. i .. i just am.. it's probably cos.. you know how i feel for you and ...i feel embarresed... i shouldn't have listened to shaz and tell you what i felt about you...i feel soo exposed... you don't have any feelings for me and... yea... i.. just aah.... i'll just go back to my room now.

Naadira : Hey please don't go... i feel kinda lonely and guess i need someone to talk to... since you're here and i figured you could talk to me till i feel sleepy enough to sleep...

Faris : you can talk to shaz...i think he's still awake.

Naadira : i can't like talk to Shaz! It's.. well..HIS GF is right here!! madd ah?? Could you just stay for awhile? Promise.

Faris : Aiight.. * walks over to the other side of the bed and sits there..*.. well what do you wanna talk about?

Naadira : hmm... could you tell me why you could talk soo much?

Faris : *chuckles* mmm..guess i just love to talk and cos not many ppl would wanna listen.. so when i get someone who would wanna listen.. i'll talk as much as i can. I wanna be heard.. i really do.

After a long while...i started to get comfortable and started to doze off while was talking... suddenly...she just went closer and gave me a kiss on my cheek. there was a sudden surge of electricity shooting through my nerves and that woke me up.. My eyes were wide open...

Naadira upon noticing that, chuckled. I took a glance at her,turned away( i was initially dozing off facing her) and snuggled further away from her... She too did that hastilty and pulled the quilt to herself expressing her anger.

after a few seconds of silence... sacarstically, she said.. "THANKS Faris... you made me feel soo much better! NOW i can sleep soundly!"

Faris(still facing away) : i'm sorry ok but i just can't help reacting this way! I don't wanna be played and right now...i feel like you're trying to play around with me! you do'nt have any feelings for me and you shouldn't have kissed me.

Naadira ( turned to my direction) : Faris...it was a goodnight kiss!! NOTHING MORE!!you of all ppl should know when to draw a line! And you know NOTHING about my feelings!

Faris (faced her) : STill you shouldn't have ok Naadira... and you know why?

(now both of us are facing each other)

Naadira :Go ahead! Tell me why! i ain't stopping you!

Faris : Well cos naadira..i thought the world of you cos you took my mind away from the pain that i was going thru! For that period of time.. you were my strength of pillar! i wanted to be around you soo much! i wanted to be with you... but sadly you don't feel the same way as i do! and after letting you know how i feel for you...i feel terrible and at that very moment when you wanted to leave my life... my life started to crumble and like ashes, be blown away till there's nothing left!! you could have told me to go a lil more easy on you...but...you didn't !all you did was to lie to me! You could have told me the truth but you didn't!! you could have said EVERYTHING right at my face but you chose not to! It hurt like hell naadira! Now that i'm back on my feet...the last thing i want is to be brought down by you...AGAIN! So stop fooling with my heart will you! Did you ask me to stay so you could hurt me again huh?!!??! i can't stand looking at you the way i did ever again!And just as much as i like you...i HATE YOU NAAD!!

Naadira : Don't be Stupid ok!!! THink about it Faris!! if i didn't like you! i would have called you to come by to teman me! i have soo many other guys ok! BUT i called you!! YOU FARIS!!! i have feelings for you! You just dont know! I'm SORRY i hurt you Faris!! I REALLY AM! Can't you just Forgive and forget!?!? did you know i was soo hurt when you didn't smile at me! INSTEAD! you smiled AT SYUHADA!! WHAT? you and her got something going on or something!?

Faris : NOOO! We don't ok! We don't...

Naadira : faris.. i like you..

Faris : ..... .... .... goodnight naadira..

Naadira turns away. I got up and walked to the other side of the bed where she was and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Faris(whispers in ear) : i miss the way you smell.... Naadira..i did say i have feelings for you...* kisses her cheek*

both of us just look in each others eyes.

Faris : i wish i could kiss you... but...

Naadira puts a finger on my lip and said

Naadira : wish granted... ( kisses Faris)

WOW! i felt as if i could fly!! I'm Kissing Naadira!! i mean! she wanted to save her first kiss for the one who she's gonna marry! and Me! i vowed that i'd help her!! and promise i'd not kiss her or even try!!! But here i am!!! kissing her!!

Soon.. both of us was engaged in a passionate kissing moment.. while we were kissing...i slowly got into bed with her..and soon..i was on top of her and i could feel her heart beating on my chest.

Slowly..we started to explore each other...her skin so silky smooth, her body, well contoured... her lips..soft and warm. My hand frolicked thru her fruity scented hair and travelled south...like mine..her hand found it's way under my shirt... slowly carressing my body.

With every tick of the clock.. more skin was exposed to what now seem like a moonlit room... lil by lil but eventually fully bare.

Soon...


- Ok shall stop here! - =P

i am superman ;
1/07/2006 12:40:00 PM

i am superman ;
1/01/2006 02:48:00 AM