Tuesday, October 26, 2004
The title speaks for itself...i'm Skint! I used to be a rich boy...rich in the little things that i ask for. I used to have someone who i can talk to... hockey trainings with my friends and to know that i am loved...loved by someone special...and realistic dreams and hopes.
But now...all i have left is air in my lungs and a shelter to reside in. This sucks like nothing else but hell! i just got my results and they arent as pretty as i hoped it would be. They are terrible!! and i'm not even gonna discuss about it anymore cos there's nothing that i can celebrate for...
Some how..my hopes to be in university are dashed... my dreams...fading in the distance. Somehow...the dream about having a nice big home, a happy family,a relatively easy life...it seem so far away now...
What am i to do now?! i'm going into a pit a of life that i can't get out of! Is this what they Call fate? i refuse to accept! i refuse to think about FATE!! WHAT IS FaTe!?!? It's too much for us to comprehand!! so don't ever tell me anything about fate! One can only know one's fate at ones' last breath!
hoogod..i'm going nuts!!! i want to be a rich guy!! Rich is many ways!! RIch in wealth...knowledge... and....friends... man...this sucks...my results already like SHit! and i can't play hockey with my friends for A verry long time...i reckon rufi's getting engaged with rizal..and last but not least....i'm friggin jealous!!! Jealous of Rufi...jealous of the position Hafeez is in...being close to rufi and all..FCUk!
haaizzz....somehow i think sivam is right...why bother to dream when you know that it's merely something that is made up our ownselves...our own personal desires. and if you can't get what you dream about...the feeling of helplessness just settles in making you feel so terrible that at one point of life...you give up!
i feel like giving up...i just had a vision of my life with only a diploma...and it doesn't look pretty at all! i can just say bye bye to the mercedes...to my terrace...my japanese garden...the maid...the osim air chair for my mum and dad... the obsevatory that i'm planning to build. a nice study room...landscaping the front garden....aaarrggh! it hurts...
man... it hurts at just the thought of it...what more go thru it? i'm sure it's gonna suck... anyway...believe it or not...i had 2 straight days of dreams about Rufi...and today's one made me miss her alot more...
in the dream..she gave me her home address...but i know darn sure it's wrong... it's something like this...
Faris...my house is at Bukit Broadcast blk 143....take the bus 72 from the tampines interchange and stop at hougang. once you stop at the bus stop which is near my house and walk to the block. And remember..it's the 2nd storey....not the 8th.
seriously...i think i'm just crazy. crazy for rufi...i miss her soo much..i want to be with her...i wanna be her everything...i want to be the one who she can talk to and pour her heart out on! But...sigh...guess hafeez got the job....and not me...FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! man...i've not said something like that for such a long time and somehow....it feels SO DAMN F U C K I N G goood!
*shakes head* jaja's not gonna be happy about this i'm sure...
Jaja...i'm sorry...i'm just...-cries- I DON"T KNOW!!!! I am feeling soo Friggin helpless and i dont know what to do !! aarrgggh!!!! i wanna go to university!! but my future is soo...soo bleak!! Dah lah i can't get Rufi...and hafeez is closer to her than i am! (fuck) and not only that...
HAFIZAH HAS A BF ALREADY!!! aaahh crap...i'm going offline now...
i am superman ;
10/26/2004 09:54:00 PM
