Saturday, October 30, 2004
i bought a new game...it's fun...but it's bloody frustrating at the same time. I don't know why i can't go to full speed all the time and it's always controlled by the computer. Sucks man...and i can't save anything. The Game overall...it's nice.
Now i don't know why...i'm just really really frustrated...and i'm always feeling very lonely. I don't wanna talk to Jaja..nor anyone for that matter. I hate it! i don't know why but i'm jealous at everyone! AND YES FUCK!! i'm still jealous of Hafeez! FUCK YOU!! and i hate the world cos i'm always alone!
FUCK!! and yes..FUCKED UP is what i am now. I'm gonna use a whole lot of FUCK nowadays cos the FUCKING situation calls for the word FUCK! FUCK ME!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK THEM!!
i am superman ;
10/30/2004 11:33:00 PM
Thursday, October 28, 2004
life...it ain't as simple as we think...nor can it be soo complicated that it doens't have any solutions. A buddhist monk once said... "why worry about the situation when there's a solution to it?" the only problem is...when will the solution come..would we ever find it? One day we will..but do we have the time? We'll have to segregate our time wisely.
Now...i have a solution to my misery. But...i'm not courageous enough to do it. and most of all...i don't like going around and asking... "hey can i get to know you?" i hate doing that! i mean if afterall that..i become close to that person..then i guess it's ok...BUT...seriously..NO! that doesn't happen often. All they do is just fill up the spaces in my msn list. Their presence...worthless!
Seriously eh...i don't feel like talking to anyone...even Jaja...seriously...i have no mood. talking about Jaja...it seems as though i'm drifting away from her. Cause?? I don't know...haven't figured it out yet. Prolly it's just me...i don't have the mood. Or maybe...something else. i need to figure out why.
Anyway.. today...had floorball training just now. More malay guys now...much better. Kelakar sey... somehow..while i was laughing with them...i just wished that Jaja was with me joining in the fun. Don't ask me why...i know that she would like it here. With Rufi having the time of her life in rockclimbing and also her own activities... Life seems fine i guess...she has friends...ok mainly..she has Hafeez.. Faaaarrrk man.i'm jealous again. I think if she knows...she'd be soo happy and be saying.. " hah! Take that Faris!" i bet shes happy that i'm jealous like crazy. She was jealous of someone when i was close to her.
I need something to clear this misery of mine... one thing that i can't stand is that Rufi gets away so happily with hafeez...and me?! i'm so damn miserable...she lost her love for just by a snap of a finger....and i'm here...with an aching heart. Well...i've got a big bruise on my shin...i wanna go tend to it. Goodnight whoever is reading... i hope i'll be to my usual self again...
i am superman ;
10/28/2004 11:55:00 PM
Man...my blog absolutely fantastic for a first timer! haha! finally..i learned how to customise my blog...but sadly.. there ain't anyone that i can celebrate with...this sucks...i've been on a low note since the Day rufi told me to bugger off! I miss her Sooo much...so much that i'm actually seeing things and no kidding...i am seeing things...a pigment of my memory of the best times i had with her.
Everywhere i go...i see her...the urge of me running to that mirage is hard to contain. I can't believe i actually ran up to a girl the other time thinking that it's her...and yeah when i finally came closer...it wasn't her. Rufi...if only you knew how much i love you...and how much i care for you...it's so hard for me to accept that..we are not close anymore...all because of small things...a friggin word that was rephrased by a friggin uneducatable idiot (Rizal) and a night of favour for a friend...my lack of knowledge of the malay language resulted to make her misunderstand things. i have a language of my own..or somewhat of my own way with words...which..i think only shaz and zul understand what i'm trying to say.
Well Faris...*pats back* i'm glad that you ventured into something new today and it was a job well done...just need to add a few touches to the blog..and it'll be perfect... Faris...don't worry...although no one is there for you...YOU are always there for yourself. I know it ain't nice to celebrate with yourself...but...what i can say...Beggers can't be choosy... makedo with what you have Faris...I love you Faris... but i know you love Rufi...
Hookay... that didn't make sense...i'm talking to myself...i love myself but i know that i ONLY love rufi...Faris...just a note to yourself.... >> Hang in there buddy... don't lose your senses just yet... calm down. <<
i am superman ;
10/28/2004 05:11:00 AM
i am superman ;
10/28/2004 01:26:00 AM
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
The title speaks for itself...i'm Skint! I used to be a rich boy...rich in the little things that i ask for. I used to have someone who i can talk to... hockey trainings with my friends and to know that i am loved...loved by someone special...and realistic dreams and hopes.
But now...all i have left is air in my lungs and a shelter to reside in. This sucks like nothing else but hell! i just got my results and they arent as pretty as i hoped it would be. They are terrible!! and i'm not even gonna discuss about it anymore cos there's nothing that i can celebrate for...
Some how..my hopes to be in university are dashed... my dreams...fading in the distance. Somehow...the dream about having a nice big home, a happy family,a relatively easy life...it seem so far away now...
What am i to do now?! i'm going into a pit a of life that i can't get out of! Is this what they Call fate? i refuse to accept! i refuse to think about FATE!! WHAT IS FaTe!?!? It's too much for us to comprehand!! so don't ever tell me anything about fate! One can only know one's fate at ones' last breath!
hoogod..i'm going nuts!!! i want to be a rich guy!! Rich is many ways!! RIch in wealth...knowledge... and....friends... man...this sucks...my results already like SHit! and i can't play hockey with my friends for A verry long time...i reckon rufi's getting engaged with rizal..and last but not least....i'm friggin jealous!!! Jealous of Rufi...jealous of the position Hafeez is in...being close to rufi and all..FCUk!
haaizzz....somehow i think sivam is right...why bother to dream when you know that it's merely something that is made up our ownselves...our own personal desires. and if you can't get what you dream about...the feeling of helplessness just settles in making you feel so terrible that at one point of life...you give up!
i feel like giving up...i just had a vision of my life with only a diploma...and it doesn't look pretty at all! i can just say bye bye to the mercedes...to my terrace...my japanese garden...the maid...the osim air chair for my mum and dad... the obsevatory that i'm planning to build. a nice study room...landscaping the front garden....aaarrggh! it hurts...
man... it hurts at just the thought of it...what more go thru it? i'm sure it's gonna suck... anyway...believe it or not...i had 2 straight days of dreams about Rufi...and today's one made me miss her alot more...
in the dream..she gave me her home address...but i know darn sure it's wrong... it's something like this...
Faris...my house is at Bukit Broadcast blk 143....take the bus 72 from the tampines interchange and stop at hougang. once you stop at the bus stop which is near my house and walk to the block. And remember..it's the 2nd storey....not the 8th.
seriously...i think i'm just crazy. crazy for rufi...i miss her soo much..i want to be with her...i wanna be her everything...i want to be the one who she can talk to and pour her heart out on! But...sigh...guess hafeez got the job....and not me...FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! man...i've not said something like that for such a long time and somehow....it feels SO DAMN F U C K I N G goood!
*shakes head* jaja's not gonna be happy about this i'm sure...
Jaja...i'm sorry...i'm just...-cries- I DON"T KNOW!!!! I am feeling soo Friggin helpless and i dont know what to do !! aarrgggh!!!! i wanna go to university!! but my future is soo...soo bleak!! Dah lah i can't get Rufi...and hafeez is closer to her than i am! (fuck) and not only that...
HAFIZAH HAS A BF ALREADY!!! aaahh crap...i'm going offline now...
i am superman ;
10/26/2004 09:54:00 PM
Swweeeeet~~
i am superman ;
10/26/2004 09:51:00 PM
hooboy...pretty pretty!
i am superman ;
10/26/2004 09:50:00 PM
thats hafizah [filzah]...man she's soo pretty.
i am superman ;
10/26/2004 09:50:00 PM
Friday, October 22, 2004
I NEARLY got it right...
i am superman ;
10/22/2004 06:38:00 PM
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Thats it...that the best for today...i need to sahur now.
i am superman ;
10/20/2004 04:21:00 AM
Rufi : this time... close...but the lips look fat man...
i am superman ;
10/20/2004 03:44:00 AM
i am superman ;
10/19/2004 06:31:00 PM
i am superman ;
10/19/2004 01:25:00 AM
Monday, October 18, 2004
hahha! look at that..my version of young claire danes. man..i really suck in drawing. Nevermind...PRACTICE!!
i am superman ;
10/18/2004 04:35:00 PM
Rufi ( haiyer...thats my forth attempt and still!! i can't get it right!! but yeah...close..just need more practice)
i am superman ;
10/18/2004 04:29:00 AM
syikynn (not bad Faris...not bad..)
i am superman ;
10/18/2004 04:01:00 AM
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Just recently...i had a new way to look at my life. Ya know...i may not be with Rufi now...but it's alright i guess. If i were to be with Rufi, i have time to go against! 10 years of time!! will i last that long?! with NS coming up...SIP...School...Work...hockey...floorball...Gee! thats alot of things to go through with her and well...i might have the risk of losing her in that 10 years b4 i can actually pop the question and have a good life with her!! GOOD LIFE?!?! i doubt so!! i don't think i'm able to handle all of that at one time!! and yeah i guess...i won't be able to give Rufi and my Family the life that they deserve.
yeah of COURSE i miss her...but ya know...i'm not going to dwell on it forever nor am i going to forget about this totally...i think i'll just put this thing aside and work my ass off! i wanna go to the University!! i wanna have a degree!! or even better!! a masters!!
I saw a beautiful house a few days back and i took a picture of it. It's at kembangan;jalan senang.. it's not as nice as Daphne's house...but certainly..it is the type of house that i wanna live in. my goodness...when i went to Daphne's house the other time...man she must be really really lucky. Someday..i'm gonna own a house like that...but i'm just gonna work as smartly and diligently as i can. No regrets...and thats my motto in life!
ya know... 10 years...it's gonna be long. My 2 year relationship with Nora is long enough. What about 10 years!??!? Besides...i still have Jaja and my other 2 friends though they have Girlfriends....i still got Jaja! An even other guys wanna get close to her... i don't mind...cos still....i know that deep down...we're gonna be alright. *winks at jaja*
i learned that...if someone is sincere in being one's friend...he/she will always be there no matter what happens...thats...a true friend.
Thats one things that i'm glad that i have...like shazni...Zul...khalid...Jaja. They are friends that will be there till the end. like for example..shazni...i've been thru loads of shit with him...but still..we are friends. though at times...we don't agree with each other ... we don't wanna give up this friendship that we have.
Anyway...me and my friends got into the singapore team for hockey!! yay!! thats a pretty big achievement man!! for ppl like us who don't train much! we're in the Squad!!! Yeah...pretty cool eh...wish Rufi would sign my stick...it's been a year already... prolly i'll ask her to sign it when school reopens.
Hey i've finished downloading That 70s show!! haha Ok i'm gonna go watch it. Well take care ppl out there!! whoever is out there... Goodnight!
i am superman ;
10/17/2004 01:01:00 AM
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Hi Hi!! haaaizz!! It's been 2 years since i broke up with her. I just came back from terawih just now and when i stepped into the masjid...i don't know why but it seems i always look up at the 2nd level where the ladies are praying! hahhaah! I"M NOT PEEPING of course!!! IT's just that...i always seem to remember about my Ex! Nora Sabrina!
Look at the pic...my..she's matured alot!
Nora is my first love. Yeah...i never forget about her!! No matter what...somehow... for some reason...i think of her!! ESP the last few days of study week.
The other time...i was studying alone at school. Then suddenly there were a couple of TPJC boys that passed by my school. Aaaah! then suddenly..i just thought about her!!
i was studying alone with Kynn (my hp)... enjoyning the music she was playing...and my mind just drifted and i started imagining Nora to be right in front of me! STUDYING WITH ME!! I soon started to talk to the imaginary nora!!HHAhaha!! Craaazzy~!!
I remembered... that she(the imaginary Nora) was asking me what i was studying..whether or not it's difficult...and i just simply replied to Her!! and yea...when a few students that stayed back late with me...walked passed me...they were freaked out!!!! cos i was talking to myself!!!! Hahahah!!!!
Back then...i said alot of bad things about her...and i realised..i was just as bad or even worse i think. yeah...we were VERY immature. I didn't think the way i do now. i don't feel as jealous as i felt last time!! and thats been proven!!!
For instance..Rufi...reallly...i don't feel jealous at all!!! and i'm not kidding!! even when she was with rizal..i didn't feel jealous at all!!! i was too into my life and how beautiful life was when Rufi's around! man...Rufi...the best that i can ever have!! laughters everyday... sigh..thats gotta be the best experiance that i'm ever gonna have with a girl in poly life and i'll never forget it.
Still...i would love to be with her... i still love her. and really...i still cared as much as i did! and now...even better..no school = more time to think about rufi! But sadly...she's not with me. Haiz..i miss her soo much! if only..i could hug her...oh how i wish to kiss her again.
Ok lah... i'm getting groggy...and i better start designing my garden. Well Selamat Berpuasa to EVeryone out there and good night Folks!!
i know this sounds stupid but really....i wanna give Rufi a kiss... *mmmuuuuuaaaccckkss!! * i love her soo much!
i am superman ;
10/14/2004 11:32:00 PM
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Thats me in my lab coat and old groovy goggles! hahaha!! i didnt have much hair back then!
i am superman ;
10/14/2004 11:21:00 PM
Hey thats me back in Yr1 Sem 1
i am superman ;
10/14/2004 11:20:00 PM
Nora and syarif.
i am superman ;
10/14/2004 10:54:00 PM
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Goooood Evening Everyone!!! Boy...had a movei marathon yesterday..ok lah...more like..smallville marathon! hahaha!
I went out with Jaja yesterday and the day b4....i made a new vow...that i shan't disclose alot of things. No matter how secure and sure i am that no one who i know knows my blog... whoah,...wait a tick...THIS IS MY BLOG!!!! and this is where i say out all i want!!! all that i desire!! And if someone were to stumble upon my blog...they will know..the true me...
And they will learn to know...whats behind my smiles and laughter. THe pain...the lonliness that i face. And they will see that...
THe rumours about me being -a player- would be ironic...
Anyway...since i just touched on TRUTH...yes..the TRUTH is out...Well...just like what i thought...THAT day...has finally come! Yep! jaja talked to Rufi... and yeah..jaja told pretty much the gist of things.
Though still things aren't going the way that i hoped it would go...i'm contented that it wasn't as bad as i thought...
Well i'm off to hockey training... take care...i'm late!! hahaa! aiight see you ppl around!!
i am superman ;
10/12/2004 05:16:00 PM
I love you for what you can't see in the mirror
i love you for who you are...
Whats the use of having eyes if you can't see through someone?
apakan gunanya hati Jika tidak mengenali nilai?
La vérité est hors là...
tutto che dobbiate fare è...
Crea..
Believe in Sincerity, hope and love...
Have faith in me Rufi...
i am superman ;
10/12/2004 05:02:00 PM
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Today...i dub thee Nokia 6230,as Kynn!! khekhe!!
*kisses Hp* mmmuuuaacks!!
i am superman ;
10/09/2004 02:29:00 AM
Patient Name :: Mohamed Faris B Mohd Nasir
IC :: S8608711A
Sickness :: Clingfilm syndrome, infected by melancholia-moroosness virus.
Melancholic cancer cells detected in heart. must be treated immediately.
Remedy Unavailable At The Moment
Rufi-Ruffelias :: with Rizal/or someone else
Jaja mamasita :: MIA (out of stock)
Zullaatidos :: ayu
Shaznimerepekos :: syuhada
Normal Friends :: Not applicable.
Alternative Remedies :: unknown
i am superman ;
10/09/2004 01:10:00 AM
Friday, October 08, 2004
Keeping it Simple.
Going to school Soon.
A few words.
A simple lady
Am i crazy!?
It sucks when you can't get what you wish.
AARRGGGH!!
Going off to school.
i am superman ;
10/08/2004 07:17:00 AM
Thursday, October 07, 2004
First of all...i just wanna say that...
i miss rufi like crazy... and that...thats the craziest dream that i've ever had in my entire life.
2nd of all... i just wanna say that...
I AM BLOODY TIRED OF STUDYING!!! I NEEED TO PLAY HOCKEY!!! AARGGHH!!
oh god...i don't think i can survive a week without hockey. I'm going nuts already!! All work no play makes Faris a crazy Boy. i need to rest then i'll go through another round of UO1. Or prolly sleep first then study later in the morning.. i need to rest. Goodnight
i am superman ;
10/07/2004 10:10:00 PM
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
*Yawwwns!* aaahh...that was a nice sleep...
damn those contractors...it's already 7pm and still drilling holes into that damn home! Beat it already!!! It's sickening to hear those noises!
Well..notihing new actuallly...i didn't have any dream just now....so sad.
But hahha!! i can still remember what my dream in the morning was! Khekhe!!! Ok lets get back to the story...
now where did i stop yaar? hmmm ouh ouh!! yeah! the RIng thingy!!! ok
ahem ahem...
So...finally i got to give her the ring that i wanted to give her all these while. Everything went fine and dandy...Well...after that hugging session...we started walking again...and well what i did was ...well...yeah...i asked her the question...baby...would you be mine?
For a while...there was just plain silence...but we continued walking... ThEN!! our hands started brushing against each others...i wanted to!! But i had refraine from doing so...then...haahaha!! Wooooot!!~ out of the blue...she just held my hand...and said...something like this...
"Let actions lead the way"...she gave me a kiss on the cheek...and whispered..." i love you too Faris..."
THAT Had to be the greatest moment!! oh god i felt like flying...
So yeah...after that...things were back to normal now...except that Rufi was much more understanding...and yeah..she finally was alright with the idea of me being close friends with Jaja. And yeah...after some time...she apologised and haaaizzzz... was it simply perfect or what....
We were going so well...until...one day...hahaha!! I GOT AN OFFER BY A UNIVERSITY IN AUSTRALIA TO STUDY THERE!!! I WAS SOO HAPPPY!!!
BUT!!...really..
Folks...it didn't turn out that well eventually...Rufi was of course happy for me...but also...Sad...that we had to separate...what also saddens me was that...SHe still haven't gave the word to her mum that she doesn't want to get married to Rizal...she's too scared to break her mum's heart and go against her wishes. Thats when...there were troubles again.
Then...yeah...so...i figured...hey...i'm old enough now...and why not ask her to marry me!!? And follow me to australia! besides...i' m able to come back to singapore every weekend!! hahah! things aren't that bad...SO yeah...
One day... We went to the esplanade and FINALLY!! i got to carry out the plan...but this time..Diffferent Ring! hahaha!! it was the real one this time!
and all she did..was to hug me, gave me a kiss...and cuddle up after i asked her the question...so yeah...i took it as a yes...
so on that day that i was about to go off to australia..she was there... my parents were all there and so was shaz and zul...shaz and zul will be going with me cos we are going to same University. Haha!! Great eh...
so yeah...we were hanging out together...until.. RUfi wanted to talk to me... so yeah...
we talked...and...suddenly..Rufi said : Faris...i failed to tell my mum to break off the whole thing with my mum...i just couldn't!
Faris: What you mean?!!? why didn't you tell her Rufi?!
Rufi : i can't!! she made all the preparations already!! and so did rizal's parents!! i don't wanna break her heart Faris!!
Faris: Rufi...*sobs* aarrggh!!! this sucks!! Why did you get my hopes up again Rufi?!! WHY?!
Rufi : Faris...i love you!! i really do!! thats why i want you to be at my engagement day to tell them off for me Faris!! i'm getting engaged in 2 weeks time!
Faris : i'd do anything for you rufi...but in 2 weeks! thats when i'll came back!! i have orientation and all! AARrggghhh!!!! how?! i'm not so sure!!
Rufi: Pls...come back as soon as possible..there is still a chance.. *hugs* i love you Faris...no matter what happens...i'll love you...
Faris : ooh god..i hope i'll come back on time...*hugs rufi tight*
so yeah..i did go for the flight and well...i told my friends about it...As usual...they adviced me and so did my mum...We all understood what rufi was in...and so...nobody was angry.
I was definitely scared...scared of losing her again...
The WEek passed soo slowly...so slowly that i felt as though a god has extended the hours of the day... the seconds hand of the clock moved ultimately slow...and i was there to witness every moment it ticked...i counted down days.... i couldnt.. and things got worse when i couldn't contact her...her phone was constantly engaged!! and i got Paranoid that i couldn't sleep each night!!
When the 2 torturous week was over... i quickly packed my things and was ready to go off... But aarrgghh!! i don't know why but THINGS JUST HAD to go WRONG!!!
Aargh!! we couldn't believe that we forgot our plane tickets!!! so we missed the flight and we had to wait till there was a flight...we only got on board a plane in the late morning! and we'll reach there at around 10pm!!
i sat on the plane restless...feeling as though the plane wasn't going fast enough and that i could run faster...i kept track of the time constantly...in the midst of the calm atmosphere in the plane...i was tearing peanut wrappings to it's smallest bits...eating Fast in hope to that time would pass faster. i was shivering...controlling myself and keeping myself as composed as possible. i grit my teeth and bit my lip to control myself. i could hear the beat of my heart...and it seemed like a time bomb ticking away;about to explode. oh it was hell! then on impulse...i went up from my seat and marched to the captain's cabin and knocked on the door shouting at them! asking them to go faster!!! i was about to break the door down when i was held back by the authorities on the plane! i was screaming and fighting for a way to get in to the captain's cabin to take over the controls to make the airplane go faster. Suddenly... there was a huge blow to my head and i was knocked out.
i woke up with a daze... and i found myself being handcuffed and surrounded me by who i don't know!! where's shaz and zul!? then they gave me a glass of water... and the on board police interrogated me.
"so Friend...what are you working under? the JI or Al-qaeda?! Who else is involved in this on the plane?! Tell me!! "
Faris : Huh?! woah woah whaaaooh!!! Hold on a min!! i'm not a terrorist...firstly...i would like to apologise for whatever i did... i'm innocent! anyway i'm mohamed Faris and i'm here with my FRiends from australia and we are students on a break...pls...un-Cuff me!
"but do you know that you caused a major disturbance to all in the plane? you will be heavily guarded and cuffed until we reach there and when the authorities back in singapore get hold of you"
Then...shazni and zul came to try to prove that i wasn't a Terrorist at all. Still i was handcuffed...detained to where i was. So....i started to explain everything...about my life..about Rufi..and the situation... haaha! Soon...there was quite a crowd listening to my story about Rufi
Faris : so officer.. you see..thats why i acted that way...i don' t wanna lose her again....
"alright...we'll explain to the authorities there..but for now...all i can do you for you is to uncuff you and we're gonna land soon"
So...the plane landed... and when the plane got to the bething area...i got off my seat and i realised that i was the only one standing up... then when i'm walking towards the plane door...suddenly....everyone started cheering for me!! They were going like..." you go Faris! GO make her yours!! all the best!! and etc. EVen the captain was wishing me the best of luck.
They were letting me be the first person of the plane so that i could reach to rufi on time! i turned back and looked at shaz and zul...all they did was to give me a smile and a nod of approval that it was alright if i went off first.
Zul : faris...you go on ahead! we'll catch up with you
Authority on the plane : i've got a cab waiting for you...go Faris...quickly!
So i got off the plane and moment i was at the gate...i saw a few policemen waiting for me. i was a bit scared... but amazingly...they were not there to arrest me! instead!! they escorted me! ahahha!! they were clearing the way for me.
Apparently! the whole airport i think got to know my story about me and Rufi!! Ahahah! boy...
i thought the police would only stopped escorting me till the airport but surprisingly...they are also gonna escort my Cab there!!! hahaha! so the swat team Vans, police cars... and motorbikes were surrounding the cab that i was in ( not to blast me into smithereens but to esocrt me all the way to Rufi's house!! )
Once again..i took note of the time...it was 9+pm and i had to get there as fast as possible. with the escort and all...i reached her place in a cool 20mins.
At her void deck..there were lots of ppl and since she only lived on the 2nd storey...the celebration dinner was held downstairs.
Everyone looked at the cohort of the police cars.THey thought the president came or something... ahahha!
The SWAT team got into action and cleared the path for me to get up there...i ran as fast as i could to stop the proceedings..the flight of stairs that was laid before me was long and torturous althought it was 2 flights of stairs up to the 2nd floor...
Sweat and blood ( from the hard knock in the plane by something hard) trickled down my forehead...
then...i finally reached her front door..packed with relatives and friends...i squeezed myself through the crowd...and when i finally got a clear view...there she was...a figure of beauty...dressed in a white gown with sequins that sparkle like diamonds! there she was...my one and only...my one and only Rufi... she's never looked that beautiful in my whole entire life b4. She looked like an angel...
She saw me...and with a small smile...she greeted me. i stopped in my tracks...soon that smile of hers...turned into a frown...she looked down and there HE was..Rizal came up from behind her and held her hand...
Faris: NO...i can't be!!!! *a tear ...followed by another ran down my cheeks* NOOOO!! pls..don't say i'm too late!! No!!
Rizal : Faris...it's over...she's mine now...and i'm glad that you showed up for i'd like to make peace with you...
i stood there...shellshock and in disbelief...i fell to my knees and tear by tear my eyes shed...
Rufi bent down to my level and i looked up... SLowly...she took my both my hands and in each palm...she placed the rings that i gave her...
i know it was wrong but..both of us..held hands... for the last time...and i cried...
i woke up with my fist clenched on my bedsheets...with cold tears in my eyes,...so ppl..thats the dream that i had this morning...it's the saddest dream that i've had thus far...
i do'nt know what i can learn from this...but...seriously..i know there's something to it. that i should gather from this.
hoogod... i miss her... *hugs* and i trully love her. Well farewell folks...i need to go study now. Take care...and goodnight... may your dreams be so happy~...
i am superman ;
10/06/2004 09:02:00 PM
You ask...whats with the previous entry man?! It aint just a normal Ranting...i had a nice dream...the best one yet...this probably would be number 2. THe first one was when i was dead and i went to Heaven. I"ve never felt such a relief in my whole entire life b4. It was the most awesome dream of all.
Anyway...what dream did i have? Hah...i can't believe..i woke up crying. Yes..obviously it's about Rufi...
It goes like this...
it was pretty blur at first...all i know..i was at school...and hahaha..the cool thing is that the mobile canteen became a great coffee bar! like those at starbucks or coffeebean. It's soo cool and there were rattan chairs..the atmosphere is really identical. i was walking there...alone...as usual. Was tired and wanted to take a break b4 started studying. Got a table for myself..and wanted to go get a cup of joe...prolly a frappucino.
so i was lining up... waiting for my turn...then suddenly..i can't believe who was just in front of me!! Yes...it was Rufi...
Rufi had already bought her drink and when she saw me...she just went!!
Rufi : oh my god!! Faris! i can't believe it! its You! it's been soo long!!!
Faris : yeah!! it has been quite a long time already!!
(i don't know why i said that but it felt soo good seeing her again. i bet im no longer in poly. though the building look all so familiar ..haha!)
at this point...i was soo happy to see her!! too happy till i forgot that it was my turn to order! hahah! i was too excited that i just ordered a plain cup of green tea! Diaoozz!!! -_- ''''''''''''''!!! as i have always ordered at TP.
The convo continued..
Faris : Rufi! whatcha doing here!! what course are you in?! hahaha it's soo nice to see you!!! where are you sitting?
Rufi: oh just at the other corner....what about you?!
Faris: i'm at the OTHER end... hahaa! erm...so...
Rufi : errm...
Faris : Wanna ..errr.. as in erm..can i ..
Rufi : wanna join me? Sure!!
hahaha! so yeah..i joined her...then we had such a long chat that i forgot to study!! so did she! we were having fun..talking about what also... i dunno...
Then at one point...it went like...
Faris: You look soo great now...
Rufi : *chuckles* so do you... =)
Funny thing...she's grown soo much more matured....aah..she was..too good to be true.
anyway..yeah...continue...
Faris : i bet a girl like you is bound to have someone...
Rufi : erp...nah...i've been single.. though yeah...Rizal is still around..but yeah...really..i have no feelings towards him. It's been soo long and still...i've not rejected his engagement offer..i dont know how to bring it to my family and him. I tried doing it indirectly.. but yeah...Guys...*shakes head* they are thick...so thick that he sinks Faster than the Titanic did.
(Cool details eh? Ahha! it was a great dream ..trust me..i remembered every single moment of it)
Faris and Rufi Faris laughs.
then she asked me...
Rufi: so what about you? i'm sure there are alot of HOT girls after you...
Faris : hahha! you must be joking!! hahaha! Rubbish... nah..i've been alone..never did find a girl..cos..yeah..i do have my reasons. Hey Rufi...i'ts pretty late...won't your mum get worried?
Rufi : hahaha OMG!! It's 11pm!! hahah i can't believe it!! we've talked for HOURS!!
Faris : of course!! you ARE after all talking to me...i'm irresistable!!
Rufi : *sticks out tongue* haahaha!! rrriiiggghhtt!! Then i must be claire danes...
For a few seconds...both of us just looked at each other with a smile...i don't know why...but boy...did it feel great or what...i swear...it was soo wow!
Faris : well..think we better go off...
Rufi : yeah...we should
Still at this point...we were still looking at each other...
Rufi : Faris...what are your reasons of staying single so long? Must be about some girl thats really special eh?
Faris : Yep...really really special...hey c'mon..we better get going...the place is closing down soon.
Rufi : WAit!! *grins cheekily* tell me!!
Faris: haha...lets go first..
Rufi: No! i won't go till you tell me!
Faris : well ok then..see you tomorrow then! ahhaha! Make sure you're still here.. i'll be back tomrrow.* gets up and starts walking* hahah!! Byyeee!!
Rufi : HOI!! *sulks* i'm not leaving! and i'm serious about it!
Faris : oh c'mon! don't make me carry you!
Rufi : *sticks out tongue*
So i just when there..gathered her things..and carried her! hahhaa!!! Funny!!
Rufi: WHOAH!! haha!! LEt me down! Ok OK! i'll go home!!! put me down!! ok wait..on 2nd thought...no..carry me! hahaa!!
So yeah...i gave her a piggy back.. and she slept while i was carrying her. Till i couldn't take it anymore...so tired...haaahah!!!
So yeah...we walked to the bus interchange.Now here comes the good part...
As we walked...we were looking at the beautiful sky..clear as can be with a sea of stars... it was magnificent! then...
Faris : you..i've loved this girl...for such a long time now..and i've stayed single for a long time...i wanted to prove to her that my love is sincere and true...and it's been years and i still her dearly...i wish to be with her..but yeah..something happened...
Rufi : wow...that girl must be really lucky..if she were to know this...i think she'd be really moved. If i were that girl...i'd melt i'd give you a kiss and hug you soo tightly...but yeah Faris...go on...who's that girl anyway? bilang lah!
Faris : You really sure that that girl would do that?
Rufi : yeah...of course. ya know...it'll be nice...why don't you tell her then? eh tell me lah whats her name!
Faris : Ok ok...Rufi...let me ask you something...you you'd melt and give me hug and kiss that is IF you're her...
Rufi : yep...
Faris : but Rufi...what if i say its really you that ive been loving all these while..that i still want you..that i still wanna be with you even after what you have done to me?
Rufi : Hahah!! You've got to be kidding!! Faris...you are right?
Faris gives a serious look...
Rufi: hahahaa...ha...haa...
Faris : Rufi...watashiwa aishteru.
Ok at this point...we stopped walking for quite a while already. THen ...Rufi...just looked at me...
Faris : i really do...you won't be able to believe this...but Rufi..yes...believe me...i still do...i've been wanting to be with you for so long...and really Rufi...no matter how bad you think you are...i see something good in you and i believe in you.
Then..i took out this old ring... from my pocket that i've been wanting to give her...with the 3 words engraved on the inside.
Faris : i've been wanting to give you this...but never got a chance to...*takes Rufi's Hand and places the ring in her palms*
Tears fill Rufi's eyes...and for the first time...i've seen her like this. THen she started Crying...
Faris : what no hug or kiss? khekhe!!
Rufi : *Hugs Faris* khekhe!
hahah!!well yeah...thats all for now..there's more to it...this is just the 1st part of 2/3..alot more.. well...indulge ppl! i'm off to bed now...so tired... take care!!
i am superman ;
10/06/2004 02:42:00 PM
RUFI!!!! I LOVE YOU!! i miss you so badly...i miss you...Rufi..pls...come back...come back to me...give me a chance!!! *Cries*
*sobs* i better go to school now...
i am superman ;
10/06/2004 07:55:00 AM
Today...on this day...
i finally got syikynn's number! hahahaha!! yay!!
i am superman ;
10/06/2004 01:02:00 AM
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
check the effects! zoom it in!
i am superman ;
10/05/2004 11:25:00 PM
As the sun sets and it's time for the moon's reign,when nearly everyone in island is sound asleep...a sad little boy trudges home...Tired and battered from the battles in the day he faced. Weakly...he marches to his front door and with a feeble voice...he calls out in the name of the almighty God to greet the angels that guard his home. In his broken and fragile heart or whats left of it... he thanks god that at least...he still has his family and a shelter to reside in and rest.
As he took his shower... he could see the blood and sweat trickle down but the tears... remain.
Where are his friends...did he have real friends in the first place? Were they always too busy for him? was He ever too busy for the ones he love? Only god knows the Truth...
The nights...were never empty...it was either accompanied by happiness or sadness. His nights that brought him everlasting happiness has come to an abrupt end and never to be felt again. Now... on his chair, silently he sits and as melancholy sets in...tears of pain and lonliness trickle down his smooth cheek.
he sits there waiting for what some may ask...and all the melancholic boy would reply...is "a miracle".
Once happy and free...but what made him all so vulnerable to the Blue Monster's relentless attacks?
~~To be continued~~
i am superman ;
10/05/2004 12:05:00 PM
Sunday, October 03, 2004
sucky Days...you're Welcomed as Cancer. I loathe the way things are right now. I Am here!! With no self confidence at all and it's really really going downwards each day! I've been sleeping late for no reason at all...and i'm not studying at all!! whats the matter with me?!?!!!?
Been having bad days... AGAIN! i argued with Rufi. i want to meet up with her. let out everything!! BUT NOOOOO!! each time i chat with her...she angry..block me or log off!! Whoopi...HERE I AM! TRYING TO MAKE THINGS EASIER!!! BUT SHE'S NOT COOPERATING FULLY!! thEN.... i Called jaja...and all she went was " err..err..err.....Busy...bye...and >> clunk <<" Called her again a few hours later...call was rejected.yeah i think she has her reasons...but for the sake of making myself feel better...i'm NOT gonna be rational and i'm gonna list down the TOP few Reasons WHats going On with her.
1>She's Angry at me!
2>She's Angry at me!
3> She's ANGRY at me!!!
.
..
...
......
....
....
1000> Something else...
ok now..for i dont know why...but i still feel horrible. Ok yeah it's obvious why...Rufi blocked me just now. I was teaching Suhaila on the phone while handling 4 chat windows; rufi was one of them....rufi going Crazy! Acting so...i don't know..unlike her. i was soo engrossed in teaching Suhaila that it was hard for me to chat with ANY of them! yeah..my status wasn't away cos...well...i was scrolling through the songs in THe corrs cd which i found lying on the floor of my room, was trying to find THe Corr's one night. it was soo difficult for me at that particular moment.
Yes...Rufi talked to herself and she blocked me. gee...ya know...what i'd love to do...if i were in front of her? well...i'd put my finger on her lip, give a kiss and cuddle her up...i don't know why...but i just do...*Shrugs*
i don't know why but these few days...i've been saying things impulsively.
haaiz...ya know i just realised that i've craashed and burned for abt 2 years already. Nothing bad about it...but makes me wonder...am i too timid to take the plunge? probably i am...or simply...i think i'm no more the gentleman i used to be...all soo romantic, sensitive...and much more.
I know the habit that i'm getting into now...i always like to save it for the best moment possible...though it's trivial but...i know that i'm gonna do iti know it's gonna happen..cos...ive planned about it! But...i think girls nowadays...don't have the time to wait for such stuffs...
i remember...when i was close to Rufi...i wanted to ask her to be mine in the most special way possible... i planned that During the Term break...i'm gonna take her out...make it the best day she's ever had...
Firstly...i'd go to her house and hope her mum lets me in...and wake her up. The First thing that i want her to see when she wakes up...is me...holding a nice bouquet of flowers..(arranged by me) and giving her a kiss.
Then... Once She Gets off the bed...hopefully she will...gets dressed nicely. Then i'll tell her...that today...she'll receive 3 gifts...and that she'll know the First one now...and the other 2...later in the day.
Her first gift...a bottle of perfume to wear for this special day...i was thinking of buying her Miracle cos it fits her character...lovely and a touch of a spice to it...just like the perfume.
Then...i'd take her to breakfast...just a light one... ya know i doubt it would be morning by then... with me around her bed...i think she'll be rolling around for hours and lazying around...just hopefully i don't fall asleep with her. Hahaha! it would be nice though.( day dreams...haaiz)
then i'll have a nice trip in the MRT with her to town... longer ride...so have more time with her. and as an alternative...i was thinking of hiring a london Cab and taking a nice ride there to town. then once we are at town...and have a nice lunch at the hotel and we go Eat and Eat! While Eating... i wanna plan to give her a drawing that i drew...tadaa! her 2nd present! With a card saying "i have a girl that i dream of each night and i daydream about everyday... i couldn't really figure out who is she and so one day i decided to draw bits of those images that i have in my head after everynight...and when it all comes together..it happened to be you..."
then...take a nice walk at town...long time i've never been there anyway. then once our tummy is alright... i wanna go take the inverse bungee with her!! it's soo cool man... then after a fine time with her i'd take her to the movies at suntec city in the evening. When we reach there... the pizza that i ordered specially for us is there...as well as 2 tumblers of hot chocolate and the blanket already placed on our Seats (those sofa seats) . Sigh...i can just imagine...both of us... snuggling up with our pizza...and sipping hot chocolate...while enjoying a great movie.it would be really really nice...
In the evening...after the movie, we'll walk down to esplanade...have a take away dinner if we're still hungry...which i think i'll still be...khekhe!!at this time...prolly it would be at least 9 o clock..with our dilly-dallies and all...prolly in the process take a neoprint or something. Then...i'll arrange a boat ride...have a nice time with her on the boat..prollly we'd scare the uncle by rocking the boat alot...hahaha!
then...make our way up to the rooftop...and there...i will have a telescope...a mat(Tikar...not the MAT as in the crazy malay boys) , and prolly some inflatable pillows... we'd gaze at the stars...and indulge in the beautiful scenary thats laid before us...Cuddle up for a while...start singing a song for her...and after the song...(boyzone's Everyday i love you)
at One point the ending...when the song goes... " if i asked...would you say yes...together we're the very best...i know that i am trully blessed... everyday i love you...and i'll give you my best...everyday i'll love you...Rufi. Then i'll whisper in her ear...baby would you be my steady?. Then...at that point..i'll slip out the customised ring that i made...whereby the inside of the ring will be engraved the 3 words... i love you...
I'd say that...would those 3 words be erased...so would my love for her...
hopefully...she'd say yes....oh god...it's soo late...ya know...i'll just cut the story short...and well... basically...
Once we're done on the roof.... i'll send her home..in a london cab of course...then...i'll tuck her to bed...and make sure that i'll be the last thing she sees b4 she goes to sleep... once..she sleeps...i'll then be off... and before i go...i'll leave her a note... and it goes something like this
My love...
yet again... i've proven you that..you are patient...kind..and that you're not all bad. you're the love of my life... and i trully love you and i'll love you till my very last breath. Rufi...believe in hope...and most importantly...yourself.
aargh..something like that..i need to go to bed...i'm tired... thats pretty much what i wanna say to her...but for now..i wanna go to bed....Sigh....i miss her terribly...and i still love her...*hugs self* (there there Faris...) i hope i'll be alright.... Well Folks..i wanna go to bed now!! Take care and goodnight! *waves*
i am superman ;
10/03/2004 04:32:00 AM
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